Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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