There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
