watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
