two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
