and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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