Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
