I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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