no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
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He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize