A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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