It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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