I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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