She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
