For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
