She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
