awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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