6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
