What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
