i wish my penis had a tongue
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
