I accidentally had phone sex last night
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
