He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
