She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
