I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
