I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
