His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
