i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
