I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
