btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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