You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
