Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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