this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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