one two three fourrrrnication!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
