he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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