tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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