I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
