So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
