I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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