i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
