Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
