chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
