dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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