How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
