im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
