He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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