I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
