The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
