Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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