when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
