just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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