Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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