It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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