I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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