Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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