i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
then he tried to convert me to islam
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Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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