That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Girls should come with a carfax report
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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