I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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