I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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