im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
