32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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