Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel

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  (704): I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel http://tfl.nu/5qbt
  Replies (9) Good night (3434) Bad night (783)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?

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  (561): So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell? http://tfl.nu/0nz8
  Replies (44) Good night (7600) Bad night (1187)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg

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  (630): I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg http://tfl.nu/sw6a
  Replies (15) Good night (1457) Bad night (4101)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.

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  (314): Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced. http://tfl.nu/yqud
  Replies (14) Good night (6292) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.

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  (229): please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room. http://tfl.nu/c4g1
  Replies (19) Good night (7441) Bad night (1073)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.

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  (617): I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B. http://tfl.nu/c1l3
  Replies (4) Good night (1192) Bad night (2886)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.

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  (701): I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand. http://tfl.nu/l8ik
  Replies (8) Good night (825) Bad night (2147)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup

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  (978): karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup http://tfl.nu/ujf4
  Replies (8) Good night (1643) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.

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  (270): Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad. http://tfl.nu/hoxr
  Replies (4) Good night (527) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions

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  (909): Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions http://tfl.nu/1fmr
  Replies (6) Good night (748) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?

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  (647): didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail? http://tfl.nu/zlp7
  Replies (11) Good night (485) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  YOU ARE MY HERO

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  (609): I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet... (856): YOU ARE MY HERO http://tfl.nu/qvso
  Replies (8) Good night (732) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson

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  (630): I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson http://tfl.nu/858l
  Replies (8) Good night (720) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.

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  (772): To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like. http://tfl.nu/xu7z
  Replies (10) Good night (399) Bad night (668)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.

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  (575): I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone. http://tfl.nu/i4rk
  Replies (3) Good night (292) Bad night (432)

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