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• (503): View more from Oregon

  it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.

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• (325): View more from Texas

  She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...

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• (407): View more from Florida

  All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.

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• (786): View more from Florida

  If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (801): View more from Utah

  It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?

  (727): View more from Florida

  Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing

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• (315): View more from New York

  Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face

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• (914): View more from New York

  There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper

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