I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.