the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.