Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....