I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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