I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
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