are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
