i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
