When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
