Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
