...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
