is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
