john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
