Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
