What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
