Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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