the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
