She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
