its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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