Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
