dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
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i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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