you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
