I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
