you traded sex for a burrito?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
