he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize