I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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