I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
